Behind every successful man there is a woman forgotten by history!

Behind every successful man there is a woman forgotten by history! These women are not forgotten because they are worthless in front of their husbands. They are ignored deliberately. No one even tries to find out about them. Yashodhara and Xanthippe were two such strong women- wives of enlightened men Buddha and Socrates! This blog is devoted to “Xanthippe and Yashodhara”. Although literature has very little about them, this is a humble attempt to peep into their minds.

Xanthippe was very young as compared to Socrates. She had three boys from him. Socrates was executed at the age of 70.  Xanthippe must have been in her early thirties at that time. References mention her as a shrew, ill-tempered woman so much so that Shakespeare wrote a comedy “Taming of the shrew” in which Katherina’s character seems to have resemblance with Xanthippe. Socrates remained poor philosopher all through his life and could not really do much for her and their kids. His disciples would sometimes offer her some help but Socrates himself must not have been of any help. Whenever, Crito, Plato or Phaedo visited her; they would have only noticed her pain, anger and bickering. All she must have wanted was good food for her children. Any mother would ask for the same.  Recently i watched the Marathi play- Soory Pahilela Manoos based on The Last Days of Socrates¹. Now, I really wonder whether Xanthippe had any hatred about Socrates. Crito tries his best to persuade Socrates to run away from Athens with his family. Crito is ready to sponsor for this but when he speaks to Xanthippe, she firmly tells him that Socrates will not accept this cowardly act. And she also adds that she would manage to live in Athens rather than going anywhere. There is a scene in the play when she visits Socrates just before his death. He sends her off abruptly and it seems as if he does not care for her. She must have been a very strong, independent woman to accept his death. The pictures do not show her crying when he drinks hemlock because she was the only one who had understood what Socrates wanted to tell the world about death. She knew in her heart that it was only his body that was dying and his soul was immortal. Even Socrates must have known that Xanthippe was very able to manage things after him. He was sharing his pearls of wisdom with the all the Athenians but he did not have to teach Xanthippe! She had absorbed the complete reality of life and death. She is not shown weeping anywhere.

Yashodhara was Siddhartha’s cousin². She was his father’s sister Queen Pamita’s daughter.  Before marriage Siddhartha had seen helping poor and sick children in a village. She was dressed in simple clothes and was engrossed in social work. He was astonished to see her cleaning and nursing poor kids. She had been doing this work for at least for two years before their wedding. They got married at the age of 16. As a queen, she would take the responsibility of arranging parties for Siddhartha’s friends. Very few who enjoyed music and food at those functions would learn about her compassion and generosity to the destitute. Siddhartha knew that she was his true companion and even though she would never express her knowledge of Philosophy, she had understood Siddhartha’s yearning for following the spiritual path. Even Siddhrtha’s mother*- Queen Gotami had a clear understanding of Yashodhara’s mind. They supported each other after Siddhartha’s departure. It is often portrayed that Siddhartha left the palace when everyone in the town was asleep. It is rather unlikely that she did not know of his plans. She had just delivered their baby boy Rahula. The truth is that Yashodhara knew what Siddhartha wanted and she did not want to stop him. She knew that she had to be with Rahula and she did not want the baby to feel sad. There was no point in waking up and trying to stop Siddhartha. Even King Shuddhodhana was very sad but Yashodhara did not weep or express her sorrow. It is her strength, wisdom and independence that allowed Siddhartha to follow his path. Later on, she even allowed her little boy Rahula to follow his father’s footsteps. No woman would have done such double sacrifice in her life! Queen Gotami was the first one to join Buddhist nunnery. She assured that Yashodhara joined it as well and they both accompanied each other wherever the nuns traveled. It is quite rare to see such a bond between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Historians should find out more about Yashodhara, Xanthippe and other great ladies. There is no doubt that there is a lot to learn from Buddha and Socrates in theory.

When it comes to life there is even more to learn from their wives!

    *Siddhartha’s biological mother Mahamaya died soon after his birth. The king Shuddhodhana married her sister Gotami.

1. Ref: The last days of Socrates by Plato, Hugh Trendennick
2. Ref: Old Path White Clouds by Thich Nhat Hanh This is a very detailed biography of Gautam Buddha which I cherish reading again and again.
3. Photo sources: en.wikipedia.org, Old Path White clouds