Behind every successful man there is a woman forgotten by history!


Behind every successful man there is a woman forgotten by history! These women are not forgotten because they are worthless in front of their husbands. They are ignored deliberately. No one even tries to find out about them. Yashodhara and Xanthippe were two such strong women- wives of enlightened men Buddha and Socrates! This blog is devoted to “Xanthippe and Yashodhara”. Although literature has very little about them, this is a humble attempt to peep into their minds.


Xanthippe was very young as compared to Socrates. She had three boys from him. Socrates was executed at the age of 70.  Xanthippe must have been in her early thirties at that time. References mention her as a shrew, ill-tempered woman so much so that Shakespeare wrote a comedy “Taming of the shrew” in which Katherina’s character seems to have resemblance with Xanthippe. Socrates remained poor philosopher all through his life and could not really do much for her and their kids. His disciples would sometimes offer her some help but Socrates himself must not have been of any help. Whenever, Crito, Plato or Phaedo visited her; they would have only noticed her pain, anger and bickering. All she must have wanted was good food for her children. Any mother would ask for the same.  Recently i watched the Marathi play- Soory Pahilela Manoos based on The Last Days of Socrates1. Now, I really wonder whether Xanthippe had any hatred about Socrates. Crito tries his best to persuade Socrates to run away from Athens with his family. Crito is ready to sponsor for this but when he speaks to Xanthippe, she firmly tells him that Socrates will not accept this cowardly act. And she also adds that she would manage to live in Athens rather than going anywhere. There is a scene in the play when she visits Socrates just before his death. He sends her off abruptly and it seems as if he does not care for her. She must have been a very strong, independent woman to accept his death. The pictures do not show her crying when he drinks hemlock because she was the only one who had understood what Socrates wanted to tell the world about death. She knew in her heart that it was only his body that was dying and his soul was immortal. Even Socrates must have known that Xanthippe was very able to manage things after him. He was sharing his pearls of wisdom with the all the Athenians but he did not have to teach Xanthippe! She had absorbed the complete reality of life and death. She is not shown weeping anywhere.

Yashodhara was Siddhartha’s cousin2. She was his father’s sister Queen Pamita’s daughter.  Before marriage Siddhartha had seen helping poor and sick children in a village. She was dressed in simple clothes and was engrossed in social work. He was astonished to see her cleaning and nursing poor kids. She had been doing this work for at least for two years before their wedding. They got married at the age of 16. As a queen, she would take the responsibility of arranging parties for Siddhartha’s friends. Very few who enjoyed music and food at those functions would learn about her compassion and generosity to the destitute. Siddhartha knew that she was his true companion and even though she would never express her knowledge of Philosophy, she had understood Siddhartha’s yearning for following the spiritual path. Even Siddhrtha’s mother*- Queen Gotami had a clear understanding of Yashodhara’s mind. They supported each other after Siddhartha’s departure. It is often portrayed that Siddhartha left the palace when everyone in the town was asleep. It is rather unlikely that she did not know of his plans. She had just delivered their baby boy Rahula. The truth is that Yashodhara knew what Siddhartha wanted and she did not want to stop him. She knew that she had to be with Rahula and she did not want the baby to feel sad. There was no point in waking up and trying to stop Siddhartha. Even King Shuddhodhana was very sad but Yashodhara did not weep or express her sorrow. It is her strength, wisdom and independence that allowed Siddhartha to follow his path. Later on, she even allowed her little boy Rahula to follow his father’s footsteps. No woman would have done such double sacrifice in her life! Queen Gotami was the first one to join Buddhist nunnery. She assured that Yashodhara joined it as well and they both accompanied each other wherever the nuns traveled. It is quite rare to see such a bond between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

Historians should find out more about Yashodhara, Xanthippe and other great ladies. There is no doubt that there is a lot to learn from Buddha and Socrates in theory.
When it comes to life there is even more to learn from their wives!
    *Siddhartha’s biological mother Mahamaya died soon after his birth. The king Shuddhodhana married her sister Gotami.

  1. Ref: The last days of Socrates by Plato, Hugh Trendennick
  2. Ref: Old Path White Clouds by Thich Nhat Hanh This is a very detailed biography of Gautam Buddha which I cherish reading again and again.
  3. Photo sources: en.wikipedia.org, Old Path White clouds              

Three evenings and Bahinaabai's poems

One busy evening at the street of Dadar...people buying vegetables, clothes, footwear, fruits and fast food before going home from work! A Young Ravindra and a Nikhil.....both aged 24 ..it is the age of getting an employment, the age of romancing, the age of dreaming and suddenly there is a deafening sound! Ravindra, Nikhil and so many others are no more! News channels will cover it for a few days and will find something new to increase their viewer-ship.What about the victims' mothers? They must be shattered and their families devastated.
Is this the price you pay for the employment that you get in the maximum city of Mumbai? About 70-80 years ago an illiterate, farmer woman from Jalgaon district - a Marathi poetess Bahinaabai had asked a very valid question....

मानसा मानसा कधी व्हशील मानूस
लोभासाठी झाला मानसाचा रे कानूस

hey man, when we will be become a HUMAN?Greed  has turned you into a beast.

Evolutionists may have labeled our species as Homo Sapiens but in reality is that true? When will the terrorism end and we will have humanity?

Another evening- in our upper middle class apartment complex. A group of young mothers walking around with their babies. Someone mentions about a lady-Anita(name changed) on the 8th floor whose husband died of heart attach in Saudi Arabia. I am unable to even remember her face as i am too busy in my own world. As those ladies decided to visit Anita...i also follow them. The house is full of trendy furniture and two small daughters are playing around with expensive toys from overseas. The house looks like that dry desert in the Gulf where he had gone. He had gone there to make a fortune but he is lost forever and so is her fortune. Friends shed a few tears, someone cuddles the girls. Even the elder girl  doesn't understand the gravity of the situation. All these educated, well settled ladies are shaken up thinking that this could have happened to me! Although the society has changed a lot in the past 100 years, facing loss of a beloved husband and bread winner so early is extremely tough. Bahinaabai went through a similar tragedy at an early age but she really must have been a very strong person. She never blamed her destiny.

In fact Bahinaabai never trusted any astrologer. In this 21st century, we have many experts in astrology, tarot card  readers, healers and baba. She did not want anybody's help or guidance on what to do. She knew that they are all fake. She accepted the challenges and struggles of life as they came.

बापा नको मारु थापा
असो खर्‍या, असो खोट्या
नहि नशिब नशिब
तय हाताच्या रेघोट्या
नको नको रे जोतिष्या
नको हात माझा पाहू
माझं दैव मला कये
माझ्या दारी नको येऊ

Hey Palmist Baba, don't tell me anything,
Whether true or false,
It is not my fate,
These are just lines on my palms,
Hey Palmist Baba don't,
Don't look at my palms,
I know my destiny,
Don't come to my door
Don't come to my door again!!

An evening about ten years back- I was driving from school to home with my 4 year old son. It used to be a very long, 21 km drive through a village and then busy streets. Those were tough days as i was juggling a new job and my little boy. I still remember that rainy evening when there was a lot of water on that village road. We were stuck on a small road in the village and as we were just waiting for traffic to clear up my son pointed small bushes full of weaver bird nests. There were about 40-50 nests hanging there. It was truly a magical colony. Having moved into a 2 BHK "ownership" flat recently, i was perfectly aware of what it takes to build a house (although i did not build it myself!) And i was having a sense of achievement about it! Here, the bird had done all the work of the builder, architect, mason, carpenter. As we were waiting for the road to clear up, i was constantly worried about reaching home, cooking, cleaning, feeding my son, preparing for the next days lessons and so on... we kept watching the birds for another ten minutes and cursing our fate. Again, i remembered Bahinaabai's verses.....

अरे खोप्यामधी खोपा
अरे खोप्यामधी खोपा
सुगरनीचा चांगला
देखा पिलासाठी तिनं
झोका झाडाले टांगला..

Look at the Weaver Bird's nest which is really the best, 
Look... for her baby she has hung a cradle on the tree.

पिलं निजले खोप्यात
जसा झूलता बंगला
तिचा पिलामधि जीव
जीव झाडाले टांगला..!

Baby sleeps in the nest which is like a hanging bungalow,
Her life is in the baby,
And her whole life is hangs on the tree.....( appreciate the pun on the word LIFE)

खोपा इनला इनला
जसा गिलक्याचा कोसा
पाखराची कारागिरी
जरा देख रे मानसा !

Look at the nest which is weaved like dried ridge gourd,
Hey man, just look at the workmanship of the birdie

तिची उलूशीच चोच,
तेच दात, तेच ओठ
तुले देले रे देवानं
दोन हात दहा बोटं ?

She has a little beak,
Which serves her as lips and teeth,
(Be thankful that) God has given you 
Two hands and ten fingers!

- बहीणाबाई चौधरी ( BahiNaa BaI Chaudhari)

I keep reciting the last stanza whenever, i am depressed or worked up. It gives me a lot of strength. Bahinaabai was amazing! Whole day she would work in the farm and she would see the reflection of the whole universe in the black soil. She did not go to a school but she could read the nature and destiny. She did not have a degree in Psychology but she understood the mysteries of the mind. If you can understand Bahinaabai's poetry and live as per them, then you will never have any problems in life.

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p.s. To know more about Bahinabai- Atul Pethe  has made an excellent film on her. 

ZMM and the Science of Enlightenment


"In a car you're always in a compartment, and because you're used to it you don't realize that through that car window everything you see is just more TV. You're a passive observer and it is all moving by you boringly in a frame.  On a cycle the frame is gone. You're completely in contact with it all. You're in the scene, not just watching it anymore, and the sense of presence is overwhelming." 

Although I am the worst cyclist of our 3 person family; I can truly vouch for the above statement after running another 10 k run last month.  Keeping in mind that I started running only about 4 years back with runner girls India and I am not such a great runner. But this year I realized that once you remove yourself from your body and the body-machine gets its natural rhythm you just keep moving. It takes about 10 minutes to get out of the crowd and to hit the proper road. After that, there is no stopping or looking back.  You are like a single drop in the flowing river of people and you just keep moving with them.  So long as you don’t think about your knees, your legs and your heart beat….everything is fine. The moment the worries of what will happen to me when I reach the finish line come to your mind…you are finished! You cannot enjoy the run anymore. So long as you decide to forget your past and future and keep moving your body forward you are okay. Of course, I started realizing this when I read Robert Pirsig’s Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance (ZMM).

About 6-7 years ago, ZMM was recommended to me by a colleague.  Before that, all my studies revolved around Physics. So my understanding was primarily limited to “Classical”. During the first reading most of the stuff was beyond my comprehension.  Although, I tried hard I gave up after about 200 pages. I kept thinking that Phaedrus was an imaginary character.  Little did I think that Pirsig is actually trying to tell us about the transition that he went through in reality.

However, this time, I challenged myself to read it till the end and really discovered a lot of things.  My last few weeks have been full of a lot of Zen and not motorcycle but a little bit of home maintenance.  As a school teacher who works long hours during the year, to have such a nice summer break is a luxury. Especially when you are not restrained by a bell ringing every 45 minutes and dictating you and when it is alright to sit and not do anything! By the way, NOT DOING ANYTHING- is one of the hardest things to do. Because when you are not doing anything…you are still doing something i.e. you are trying to not do anything.

Anyway, leave that stupid recursion apart and coming back to ZMM….

This time, the reason I found this book amazing and overwhelming is because I went through Pirsig’s biography (thanks to the internet!). In the early sixties Pirsig was diagnosed with depression, schizophrenia and was even given electric shocks.  I am sure, by the time he started writing ZMM he must have figured out perfectly what that so called mental illness or insanity was about. The book is so direct and honest that no where it feels as if you are reading someone else’s Philosophy. The whole idea of being one with the road while riding the bike without viewing oneself separate from the surroundings tells you that he is not an ordinary thinker or a philosophy professor in some big university.  That particular mental illness could have been a next link in the human evolution. It is an irony that the rational world of Medicine and Neuroscience is unaware of the processes that a brain could go through in a process of enlightenment. How can a mentally sick person write so beautifully? As you go on reading and pondering over it opens up a complete view of our understandings and most importantly it makes you aware of the myths and dilemmas that you carry. It also brings out the limitations of your knowledge. Unless, it is his own experience it cannot be so true! I could experience the power of now while running so i can tell about it. A book such as this cannot be written without enlightenment. Pirsig's way of story-telling is itself a clear proof that he was able to have a holistic view of the world in which there is no 'I'! I hope some psychotherapist will be able to unfold this mystery of enlightenment in future.


Pirsig himself mentions,

For more than three centuries now the old routes common in this hemisphere have been undercut and almost washed out by the natural erosion and change of the shape of the mountain wrought by scientific truth. The early climbers established paths that were on firm ground with an accessibility that appealed to all, but today the Western routes are all but closed because of dogmatic inflexibility in the face of change. (p. 192 ZMM)




Dharamshala to Dhauladhar Mountains: Triund and Laka Glacier (Part 3)

  Continued from Part 2 (In the heavens ) Bhagsu Nag   or Bhagsu Nath Temple , dedicated to  Lord Shiva is located near the Bhagsu Nag fal...