Put on your own oxygen mask first!

Whenever I have been to drop my son for a public examination I have seen anxious parents. I was also one of them. Slowly, I started noticing that my anxiety fuels more stress in the whole family. If I want to ensure a peaceful life, I need to investigate the cause of my stress. Instead of that if I start expressing it in the form of anger, fear it further complicates our children’s lives. If you think you are helping them by constantly hovering over, it may not be the case! Perhaps, your children need some space and privacy. In the end, it is important to examine our own ideas about success and failure. Is success defined by the performance in the examinations only?

We tend to attach our children’s success stories with our image and reputation in the society. We fail to see it but indirectly it hurts our ego when they do not live up to our expectations. We visualize our children becoming someone big. And our imagery is based on what we have seen or experienced. When they are successful, we attribute it to our hard work and when they do not reach the expectation set by us, we consider it to be a personal failure. 

Although, our children much younger than us, they deserve a chance for exploration.  If a parent is an achiever, he/she wants the child to learn everything very fast and be at the top of the class. If the parent is not an achiever, they want the children to get better marks than themselves. So they start hiring tutors and sending them to best schools and coaching. Parenting does not stop at getting all these amenities.

Mindful parenting is about seeing the child and the circumstances as they are without coloring the reality with our own experiences and emotions.

Children have to figure out their own path because no one has seen the future. Our expectations and judgments come to us from our ancestors, society and our own emotional baggage. However, the circumstances keep changing and one needs to be aware of current scenarios. We need to be careful while passing snap judgments and remarks.

A parent who is mindful is a passionate listener who facilitates blooming of young minds! S/he is open-minded and does not restrict people around. Most importantly, S/he investigates his/her own state of mind from moment to moment. Whenever I have taken flights with my little son I wondered about this announcement when your flight takes off- “Put on your own oxygen mask before you help a minor!” If you are not breathing properly, you cannot be in a position to help your child. Our thoughts fill up our minds with smog and we are unable to steer clear. Even when we are on the ground, we are constantly wearing different masks. We are trying to cover up our image with different kinds of masks. Recognizing what kind of mask we are putting on at various moments should be investigated.

As mindful parents, our primary responsibility is to watch our own thoughts and ensure that we are at peace!

P.C. Live and lets fly